Happy birthday 3004, BABY (:

Posing when the wind was blowing, right timing.

Yes, i was left stranded here by myself.

Went to play a fool right after english paper, 2804

Not forgetting, Happy birthday Hafiz & belated son-in-law Birhang A.C.E :]

Soon in a day's time, it's going to by mine.

Been waiting for a phone call, i hope mum will call.

I just chated with brother ystd, he's been the same except for his shouting.

You don't have to worry to be alone.

I could feel that mum's worried for me, being here alone yet she wants me to be independent.

The hopes she have for me, i'm going to crush it by myself.

English paper was 'i don't know' kind, i'm darn worried at this instant!

I know it will never help me but still i will pray before i go to bed just to seek his blessing.

After eng paper, we went to serangoon & did some stuffs before eating.

My nose seems blowing cus it's painful on the underside, i hit it twice accidently.

Oh my, since 10 from the morning i have been trying to read my SS notes but i just don't seem to memorise anything.

I'm so dead lah, arrgh! Why dosen't my head or rather the brain seem to understand me?

The essays are so killing me right this moment & i came online to seek relaxation.

So far i read up only 5 essays, excluding the northern ireland conflict.

I'm just going to gamble on it, the blame's still on me.

& what's more, my sec3 bio file was thrown away. I don't know how i'm going to do tmr's bio paper.

My senses are not woken up, i feel numb all over.

You feel like laughing but end up crying, where's your laughter?

PS: Seems it's going to lonely yet again.

This is my sister, tana laxmi.

Happy new year 2065, nepali calendar.

Slept quite late last night, been searching for an answer throughly.

Kept messaging people, so i could preoccupy myself with something so as well not to bore myself.

I didn't feel like sleeping yesterday, knew i was going to have another nightmare.

True indeed, saw myself crying in my dream; at that point my heart felt crushed.

I don't know why but i always see strange dreams, is this the point where my life's going to end?

Friday, award presentation day seemed great; maybe it's the last year ending for us.

I enjoyed myself very much & we got to watch the performance!

I was looking forward for that, but found that it was quite a bore.

When i reached home, i fall flat on my bed but eventually got up to bath.

Thought couldn't wake up in the morning for Red-cross enrolment ceremony but i did.

Waited for ras to come & went together, was pretty late aldy.

Only the sec 1 & us came, others were hardly seen on this occassion.

After the ceremony, went for lunch & give out goodie bags for the lower-income people at jalan besar.

Spent like 3/4 hr travelling on the bus to took us to the place & i urgently needed the toilet.

The houses look so scarey & dark, at first i was scared to even knock & my group people seldom talked.

After this even we went home, i had stuffs to buy. Spent 50 bucks on foods, aunt's sure to scold me.

Well, Grandma passed away 08/04. Yes, i know that mum's crying millions & millions of tears.

Who knew it would mark the end of her life, & i'm awaiting for mine's.

I tried to contact dad several times but failed. Maybe i'd better wait for a better time cus mum would be crying half the time talking to me.

The funeral was held ystd where i couldn't eat anything thats got to do with meat & salt.

Ofcus, i was craving for foods. I tried to be good & drank fluids only.

My stomach bloated like hell lah. Tana & i went to her house to watch golmaal, was very hilarious.

In the film, there even had our names; laughed like hell lot. Count ourselfs lucky, her aunt was out.

When the sun set, i got to eat my things!

Haa, aunt had cooked momo to celebrate NY with others.

I ate plenty, my stomach was grumbling. Then i did a reflection & went to bed.

PS: What would you do if you were the one falling down?

[SUGIE]

It seems like, everything was a lie.
That part i can't accept it because it seems hard.
I realised i'm getting more narrow-minded, easily agitated & worn-out.
I don't know where i stand & each day i'm made to frown, temper rising.
It gives me a feeling like i'm transparent & yet i'm so blur.
You had your fun & when i want it, i don't have a right.
A world that has gone very wrong for me, she's right it's so unfair.
There's so much to do & all i can do is to worry what's going to happen next, i never helped myself.
Missed little things & i can't help it. Spending more money each day.
This com broke down for almost a month & i was so bored locked up in my room.
I don't know why i do not have the mood to study or at least read, hopeless.
But the past week were great, had lots of inter-house & tournment lately.
We drew with East view sec 4-4, won Bedok South sec 9-0 & tmr is the final with Bedok Town.
I'm pinning all my hopes on gladys, anita, nancy, Jeni & diyana to take as many shots as possible.
Well the first game with EV, i let in 3 goals in & i never wanted to be a defender again.
I'm trying there but i'm scared when my opponement comes near me & i tend to give up easily.
Uff, this feeling kills me. I hope i do a good job tmr, i really want to enter the next round; infact everyone of us do!
Ok, the Netball interhouse started & wtf i felt like a totaly blank sheet of wall.
It was boring standing there & there were boundaries as to where we can only move.
I don't think i would go tmr to play, floorball comes first.
The sports day was so great but i never thought our class would be the Champ.
We won the class with the highest participation.
We won the sec 3/4 Champion
& we were the OVERALL CHAMPION!
Laxmi & i were shocked la, her expression makes me laugh when i remember it.
We were all working hard together for this & actually made it, i was happy to see everyone so untied that day.
The class t-shirt were a last-minute decision & many people were unhappy about it, varying from sizes to design.
But still on the actual day, everyone wore with a smile on it & that assured me!
The way they cheered for me when i was running 400m, made me realised that part.
But i came in third, i know it was a bit bad & i knew i wouldn't come 2nd nor 1st.
Okay, the whole thing was super fun with great feelings.
4E2, all the way!

PS: The whole thing was a lie

I swore an oath to never look back
Every time i walk away, the feeling
of hysteria takes control of me.
An obscured fault thats made to swallow,
with the force of aggression & sharp pain

Conflicts & vendetta were vague,
but let the screaming be heard.
Waking up each morning with a worn-out face,
last night seemed a nightmare &
Everyone was so far away

Made to stand alone & kept on waiting,
I couldn't endure for too long.
Oh mother nutured & stood by my side,
but still i couldn't accept the fact.
Mood swings started to kill me gradually

Eventually, i realised all my hope were
well & truly gone. It never ended in a
triumph for me. A nostalgia feeling
where changes had no tangible effects.
For in my own absence, i was lost.

PS: Tears slowed & creased to fall together, the harder it gets.
[SUGIE]