HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GIRL BESIDE ME, ALENA (:

& to ERNIE, happy sweet 15 xP.
It's been four days since i last touch my com. So many things happened within these period of time lahs. The last friday teacher's sport heat(something like that), was so fun & exciting. I didn't felt like going red-cross & Ms Iswari didn't let us go. I was so mad at the thought, i wanted to run away. Mr arman also injured himself very badly that day, i had to support his leg & he couldn't move it. It was darn serious & we didn't know what to do & called the ambulance. Later, we ate dinner cause we helped here & there & went home after it striked 8.30pm. I had to call off tution again & i think ryan is irrated by now. Calling every friday's night & i couldn't reach him that night & i panicked cause saturday morning we had flag day. Lucky he called back around 10 & changed it to sunday. Flay day was so arrgh! It was my first time doing this & i really didn't want to do it cause no one could be bothered. We went to Orchard & saw Cedar girls & 2 more schools. I think i only collected around 15bucks, that's all. After that we had NTUC Floorball carnival under 19. Ofcause we didn't win but was on luck. I don't know why my mood was so sucky! Suddenly it crash down on me & i lost my sense knowing what to do, i didn't played the games once & felt i came for fun. I was totally not feeling well & i added on to it myself, i was in the so 'annoyed' mood. Maybe it was because of my sore-throat that left me feeling hot all over. Karhoe's team was there too & he pretty scared me at first. She rubbed on it saying i won't go home alone or what. Knowing i was having mood swing, i went home with my crew & Yunxian gave me a peck on my cheek. That made me feel much more relief & happy, i could let go of my mood but i held back. We went home & i couldn't find my ez-link card, i was worried sick! I was more annoyed & felt angry but alena found it in my bag. You know the size of my bags are so huge & things always bury on each other. I want new clothes mum, let's go shopping! I'll always have something on whenever we girls of our family member arrange to go shopping together but i'm always the one backing out last minute. Life will teach me more lessons, i'm getting sleepy in class again & no i don't want to make a habit of coffees! Been overdosing on few tablets but it didn't show any sign. I wasn't feeling well ystd & ryan was also fed up with me. He forget about our lesson last sunday & it was a complete different ystd. I want to succeed but fears lack of sleep. I'm so greedy of sleep. I opened up to my baby & it felt much more better but i seemed sick. I don't know where it will lead to. Tmr we're having a friendly match with Coral sec C Boys. I hope we will win tmr, first step to success is to give your best.
I'm so tired like it is, i'm trying not to give up !
Chao (:

It pains to see a flawless face
to be smashed into pieces
It hurts to touch a torn heart
to be ever mended again
It pains to lure a hopeless soul
to where it was in the first
It hurts to care for a stranger
to give up & live for notthing
It pains to watch him walk away
to be by yourself & weeping
It hurts to wait for everything
to happen & just end it all
It pains to pry what she's hinting
to at having wrong conclusion
It hurts to owe emptiness
to end up wiping your own tears
It pains to hurt their ego
to let them survive
After all, i'd survive till the end

PS: At first, i didn't feel an emotion
[SUGIE]

Woos, school was okay today but more laughter & fun. Laughing & giggling away every steps i take, trying hard to memorise the phrase to score full marks not wanting to fail ever again. The weather so cool, i almost lost control of myself. Friends aside making me burst out laughing like a witch, like i never ever laugh that hard before. Though the day was great, i didn't like the taste of it too well probably i was faking it. I loved it when jana piggyback me in accounts period where the teacher was missing. I jumped onto her feeling no fear cause she's strong enough not to let go of me. Wasted time cracking jokes & gossips instead of studying. Somehow i feel i'm wrong to act this way today cause i'm having nausea now thinking it back then. I'm feeling alright since then & i don't want it again. Rushed to the air-con room for SS where i forget the last phrase, i went blank not knowing what to do. I only conclude & passed up, the time was enough for any acts. We're going to a carnival & pretty excited over it as we're missing lesson but that's not to be happy of. Went back to class & saw teacher scolding or something, came late in class & i was reading 'impulse'. I was more blur in A.math Trigo, tried very hard understanding. & whenever someone presses me to understand, i can't. I'm so slow but in few tries i will get the idea. Isolation is what i want for now, it's complicated to say in here. Been reading impluse book by Ellen Hopkins & the thoughts written is the same which i once remembered. The words she describe are the words i've been wanting to find all these while & no such thing ever happened after i started believing. I wanted to sore high up one day only to find myself back on the ground. I want to get rid of the thoughts i've in my mind for so long, wanting to forget the past which i can't cause it keeps repeating over the next days. I try to live with it but i found myself to be selfish which i find it hard for me to change into someone better. To protect the heart, i abandoned myself & lived with it, but i'm going to find it back again. Why is that i find myself more boring than ever, not talking too much, not listening to what others are saying? Half of me is dead, the other half of me wants to strive forward but i just can't do it. Maybe i was in the wrong in the first place & even now, i may be wrong; not correcting my mistakes. I hate talking & i want to wander off in my own pace, but i found i'm lagging behind others. Maybe because of the emptiness in my heart, i end up wiping my own tears & i don't know how to save myself which i landed my ownself in the first place. I'm fine if you treat me fine. I can't help people in need & it pains to see others suffer. For me, it always been treat others right then they will treat you right. I wish i could offer some help but i can't even take care of my ownself which is shame. I've been doing lot of thinking lately which left me little mute than before & i'm beginning to think of others around me. Mum's words went into my head & there's still dad. I often used to get angry with them for not understanding me & used them to vent my anger via verse. They still don't have an idea of what i may be doing in the middle of night & they won't give a pop in the room. I used to like it when mum used to stay whole night looking after me when i was sick. Suddenly, i was somehow reminded of my childhood. When i was a kid, i used to think it was alright for mum to beat me cause dad said it might put some sense into me. I didn't even retreat when she beat me till the plastic hanger was broken into two, i only kept crying then. I was very naive the way mum brought me up & still i am & i don't know why i'm writing all these. But now, i will fight her back, i don't want to be her puppet. Hiyah enough, i'm so out-dated! I'm enjoying myself now, heh. I've been having heart pains again & i don't know what sickness is that. It keeps throbbing my heart feeling acute pain now & then. & HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA

Chao (:

Hah, it was a freaking match ystd which Mr wee signed us up in the ITE Simei. We won Swiss cottage 2-1, but our play was so sucks lah! I was still asleep, i couldn't run & coach kept saying not to block viji. I only wanted to cut across to be in the centre & shoot, but i still couldn't maybe i didn't get used to my new team. I knew i suck but i still couldn't wake myself up cause these few months there's only nervousness in me. The second game with Bukit Merah were much better & my right hand went numb, i couldn't control my hand. I was pretty scared as this was the second time it happened to me, maybe there's problem with my muscle deep down. Ms Chng rubbed for me & took my wrist band off, i was much better & tried to score but i still couldn't cause i couldn't receive her passes. Eva was a great team member too, she helped in the team. We lost 1-2. The third game with Northbrooks were greatly better as we were all running but couldn't shoot on target. Still the score was 2-1, we could have won. We went to TM food court & ate something, i wanted to eat everything. & we did lah, ice-cream to etc by then i couldn't eat cheesecake as i was super full. In the bus i fell asleep & i kept slipping from my seat, it was so irratiting. Then went to dine outside as dad was the host for 3 families. Children took a table & parents another one. It was a filling dinner & i did ate alot cause i normally can't eat alot when we're outside. Talk with my relatives & update on each other. By 9pm, my eyes were closing & the food was not ready yet. My mum was laughing at my droopy&shaggy eyes. Sis & bro were late & i was the only one with relatives. Before going for the dinner, Mum & i had a funny cat-fight, from the 2nd storey i shouted at mum who was at ground floor cause she wore my slipper.She shouted back & some vulgar, i find it funny when she spout vulgar. I went home with my relatives & parents were still eating. I ate lots of fried chicken & pork, dad forced me to eat lah. Trying to cut down on fizzy & sweet drinks. Mum is very worried about my health now & i don't know what to do cause i've gained weight from too much meats & junk foods. Hah, i was dreading for tutor but life still has to go on. & i almost couldn't finish my works. Ryan came when i was in the toilet, he's like old ah pa. Today lesson was much better as i could understand log better & we laugh alot at my careless mistakes. He's going to rush me now & i have to be mentally prepared as i'm real slow. He laughs at my mistakes, compliments i'm slow & weak & gives me stares whenever i'm stuck. & i join in the starring game as well, lols. He gave me more work this time & i have completed 75% without making mistakes, yays! Quite happy with the work but have to be x-extra hardworking. Tmr still have Social studies test, i'm good with the memory & light game. I hope i won't have to isolate alone in a corner again, hah. Stomach-cramps & body aches, we did not do our cooling down ystd but instead played ''one touch''. Jeni taught us how to play which she learnt from sadiq & it was pretty fun like squash. Oos, i'm off to watch Goong S. I'm so in love with the Gong-Ja's !

Chao (:

Pieces are raining down on me
We won't wait, We can't Believe in this or anything at all.
After What you did,
Why would I care?Why should I care?
After, the pain you caused,
why would I care? Why should I care?
I've waited for this so long,
why would I care? Why should I care?

Loneliness, sadness, and solitude
These are a few things
I've been throughWaiting for anything, everyday
Strange that you don't seem to feel the same way
Write me off, bury me and leave me for dead
Open wide, eat your words and choke on regrets

After what you did,
why would I care? Why should I care?
After the pain you caused,
why would I care? Why should I care?
I've waited for this so long,
why would I care? Why should I care?

Look Through me
Tragedy's not so bad
Remember what was lost
Taking me down and more
Take all I give to you
Go ahead and take
I honestly don't care at all
Set up and ready to fall,
Let it fall

PS: You wanted to pin me down so badly

When you're left with only a bullet
I'll bring a trigger and a promise to pull it
I'll be the end of everyone who's ever entered your life
And taken pieces out of it

I'll give you enough time to regain your composure
To reconstruct a heart that's torn apart from over-exposure
I know forever isn't long enough to forget the faces
And places that played out your tragedy

Our memory defeats us all
I've touched the stagnant water and muddy walls
Of the trench where you've been sleeping
And there's nothing there worth keeping
There's nothing there worth keepingOr believing

So on the eve of the attack
We'll finger-trace the targets on their backs
And open fire
(Just hold on until they're gone)

So with this kiss I promise to
Never forget what you
Did for me, you did for me
(I felt the sun on my face for the first time,
and tasted blood on my tongue for the last.)

When you're left with only a bullet
I'll bring a trigger and a promise to pull it
I'll be the end of everyone who's ever entered your life
And taken pieces out of it

I'll give you enough time to regain your composure
To reconstruct a heart that's torn apart from over-exposure
I know forever isn't long enough to forget the faces
And places that played out your tragedy

PS:Tragedy that has taken place, forget them not